Photo by: Jana Akkari *Warning, long post because I'm very passionate about this, enjoy. :)*
It's always about you. In fact, it's always been about you. What you don't like. What you do like. How your day was. How you're feeling. I can't even get one word in before you bring it back to you again. And when there's finally a slight break in the one-sided conversation we've been having for about 45 minutes of your never ending story-- I hold my breath. I excitedly think to myself: "Wow, are they finally done? Are they going to ask me about my day now? Thank God." I exhale a sigh of relief and I'm just about to get my first word in when you begin again with part 500 of your story. This time I'm determined to get a word in. I start, but I only say two words before you cut me off once more. I could sense the irritation in your voice this time from my small interjection because your cut off was a little more sharper than usual. I immediately and reluctantly go silent as if you commanded it. I sigh, exhausted because this has taken every ounce of patience out of me. At the end of your "vent session", you thank and compliment me stating that I'm such a wonderful listener and an even greater friend and you owe me one, but I know better than to ever expect anything. You glance at your phone and act surprised at how fast time has flown by, pack up your stuff in a whirlwind, and are out of the door before I can even say goodbye. I know what it feels like to not be listened to. I know what it's like to try to confide in a friend, but instead while you're talking to them they're on their phone. It sucks. I know what it feels like to be bursting with good news and just as you're about to share it, they say "they can't talk right now, but maybe tomorrow?" I, also know the feeling when all you want to do is cry and would love for someone to just hear you out, but as you begin your voice cracks because of the huge lump in your throat because you're holding back tears. Thus, creating a slight pause before the conversation begins and they take it as a prime moment to begin telling you about how so and so was seen with John Doe(n't-care) in the cafeteria and so their story begins, again. I know this feeling all too well. Now I don't know about you, but I don't vent very often. And if I have chosen you to be that person that I confide in, you better take it seriously because I vent to very specific people. However, when I do need to talk, I need you to listen. That's all I ask-- just listen. Please don't interrupt me, or critique me, and please don't cut me off just to tell me how this is just like the time you did this, that, or whatever and how you can totally relate. Because the reality of it is--you can't relate exactly to me. Sure, you've had a similar circumstance or experience happen to you, but the way you and I cope with it are completely different because, well, we are completely different people. You have no idea how disheartening it is when someone who claims to be your friend cuts you off mid sentence, or makes you feel like what you're feeling isn't special because they've already "been there", especially when you're about to pour your heart out. It makes you feel inferior because you sit there, fulfilling your duties as a good friend and listen to their life, but as soon as you open up to begin sharing your story they show no interest. It makes you question your relationship and your closeness with that person and it can really take a toll on your self-esteem and confidence. On numerous occassions people have made me feel like I'm the stupidest person in the world for talking about the stuff that truly worries me, or will completely shut me down when I share an idea that I'm super excited about without an explanation about why "it's so dumb". It makes you question if you should even open your mouth the next time because what's the point if no one's going to listen? If you've ever felt like that please don't stop sharing your ideas because your ideas could be the next innovation our world desperately needs. And please don't bottle up your emotions because there will come a time when your own thoughts will push you over the edge--don't get to this point. Remember these words: you are not the problem, you are not inferior to anyone, you need new friends who value you, and let you speak your mind. So friends, Hen's lesson of the day is to listen. Really intently listen to the people around you. Sometimes we'll try to multitask and listen while we're on our phones, or do something else, but be respectful and actually give the other person your full undivided attention. You'll realize it's awkward having to actually look them in the eye. You'll find yourself glancing out into space sometimes, but none of that is worse than not being there in the moment with that person. So the next time you're having a conversation with a loved one, my challenge to you is to open your ears and listen. -Hen P.S. this was really hard for me to share this with you for some reason. I wrote this about 3 weeks ago and would add a little more throughout these past 3 weeks, constantly perfecting it and desperately wanting to choose the right words and scenarios to convey exactly how I'm feeling to you. I hope this helps you because it definitely helped me too.
8 Comments
Asya
2/9/2017 12:07:42 pm
I absolutely love this! You've literally taken the exact thoughts out of my head so worded it so perfectly. I love you, and i'm always here to listen :)
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Henna
2/20/2017 05:35:01 pm
Aw thank you love! I'm so glad you can relate. Thank you for the constant love and support. <3
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Embaji
2/9/2017 03:18:43 pm
100% agreed.
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Henna
2/20/2017 05:36:03 pm
Hurray!! Thanks for stopping by :) I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!
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Shehr
2/9/2017 08:38:00 pm
I am always here to listen Hen, you deserve people who really care :)
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Henna
2/20/2017 05:36:33 pm
Aww! Thanks Bano, that's means so much. <3
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:)
2/13/2017 03:58:01 pm
I just saw this post and I totally feel you. I feel the same exact way and I always find it so hard and frustrating on who I can share my issues with. I always overthink things and think that no one would really care to listen. So I appreciate this blog post.
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Henna
2/20/2017 05:39:56 pm
Hi friend! Thanks for stopping by and reading. I'm so glad you can relate and I'm glad you liked it. :)
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AuthorPakistani American. Archives
October 2018
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